Hinny Ha'way

Today I’m thinking about home. I have travelled to quite a few exotic places in my 26 years and have seen some beautiful sights; I have also seen some not so beautiful sights. Since I was 12 years old I dreamt of being a nomad travelling the globe meeting interesting people along the way and chasing the sun indefinitely. Many of us complain about where we live, we anticipate that we would be better off living else where and become discontent with our lot, even bitter.

Well I’ve decided to point out some rather mint things about living in the north east of England.

1)     The Tyne.

Heading up north on the train, that moment you pass over the Tyne and see the bridges all lit up, you look down over Ouseburn and the Cluny. Which other city in the world tells you it loves you? Always gives me goose pimples.

2)     Wor beaches

Marsden Rock. A place often featured on postcards of south Tyneside. It’s a quiet section of the coast great for skimming stones and secret snogs.

Longsands Tynemouth. My favourite beach to walk along, there’s a great surf culture on this beach and in the summer its busy but not over crowded. It’s right by the priory and is very scenic. Bring your camera, have a walk then chill at Crusoe’s café (which is right on the beach) and just people watch.

There are loads of beauty spots along our coast line we are spoilt for choice

When it comes to the seaside.

3)     Ocean Road.

The best place to get a curry. FACT.

4) Newcastle’s streets

There are some absolutely stunning buildings throughout the streets of Newcastle city centre, look up every now and again ignore the garish shop signs and appreciate the old stone work. Beauteous.

5) Our accents

No one can deny that we have a crackin’ accent. FACT.

6)     When Newcastle wins

I hate football, but when the toon wins the city is ecstatic. Cars beeping at each other, everyone in their tribal stripes. The excitement is infectious and I feel a rather proud to be a Geordie.

7)     Galleries

Like our beaches we’re spoilt for choice. The Baltic, the side, the biscuit factory, the Laing or if you’ve got kids and are skint go to the Discovery museum and let them run wild in the science bit. (The life centre is too expensive)

8)     Our comedy scene

Newcastle is full of funny un’s.

I could go on endlessly but I feel like I’m starting to sound like a holiday brochure.

So in summary; in the north east of England you are never far from a bit of entertainment, a spot of culture, something lush to look at, something fun to do or some one canny to chat too. Sure we have our problems but the grass is just the right shade of green.

Damn we’re brilliant.

Jive Turkey

Transport update: Someone almost sat in my spot on the ferry this morning. I would have been livid I tell you.

Dog update: Poppi Susan said she missed me (a lot) when I was in London and so we spent most of last night spooning.

Last Friday I spent the day consuming strawberry beer. On the evening I stepped in with Lee Kyle and Simon Buglass and performed at a charity gig at Cluny2. This was gig number 28. It was to raise money for teenagers with cancer. I was rather squiffy by this point and hadn’t planned to perform. I scribbled some nonsense on my hand and nonsense is what came out of my mouth. I asked Lee if I was horrendous and he told me not to worry because I probably won’t remember it. I think that might be a yes then. Not an evening that will feature in my autobiography.

NB. I’m not writing an autobiography.

On Monday night I performed at the laughing horse semi finals. I came third out of 13 people. I wasn’t expecting to get through even as a runner up so rather chuffed with that result, even if I don’t go any further.

The guy that won my heat (sounds weird) was welsh, I love the Welsh accent so I’ve been talking in a welsh accent for the majority of the afternoon. Oh yes I’m a pleasure to be around.

The gig was in Brixton. Brixton has got a bad rep' for being dangerous and weird. I've been to Brixton twice and both times I ate in nandos FACT. When we were walking down the road a man threw loads of ice mixed with stinky fish guts in front of our feet. My friend Lee Fawkes has been to Brixton this is what he said about it: 


"I've only ever been to Brixton once and that was when we got lost going though London on our way to Portsmouth, we saw a Washing machine on fire in the street on top of a Transit Van and we stopped to ask a guy directions and he gave us a load of nonsense and then was sick in a perfect column.  There were no white people."


This made me laugh for a few days.

When we were in London we ventured down to Brighton. Brighton is where every single Londoner goes and it’s full of gypsies and is expensive. I enjoyed playing the ‘spot the gypsy’ game. My cousin told me to stop shouting gypsy in the street.

Gig number 30 will be next week at the literature festival in Newcastle. Should I get a prize maybe for reaching 30?

Next week I’m going to go to a jive class with Mr Lovett.

 We went to one last week and it was horrendous. It was basically a ‘help the aged’ social evening with a massive shot of campness. An old crone shouted ‘YOU STAND OVER THERE’ at me, and then she stole my husband, the jive turkey.  When me and Stu finally got to dance together, we nutted each other in a very ungraceful way. That’s when we bailed and went to see the film roommate (the most horrendous film ever spewed forth) I have been told that this jive class in Newcastle is more ‘rockabilly vintage’ and less ‘this wasn’t vintage when I bought it’

Hopefully there’ll be fewer injuries.

Hold the phones!

Transport update: Yesterday as a joke, the swash buckling ferry man pretended to close the ferry door seconds before I reached it. He did however let me board. I nearly dropped my purse in the Tyne. Not ideal.

Dog update: Poppi’s foot hair is getting a bit too long, Giselle Nejady reckons she is a bit Grinch-esq.

Today I’m a film reviewer.

On Monday night I watched a film called Roommate. This was quite possibly the worst film I have ever seen in my 26years. It was worse than Epic movie and other crap of a similar ilk.

Genre: Psychological thriller (apparently... I’d describe it as idiot gore-fest)

The Cast: Some American idiots from the likes of Gossip girl and programmes about important things like Cheer leading.

Basic story line: Girl has a roommate; roommate turns out to be a crazy. Roommate is violent. Roommate is scary. Roommate dies. Happy ending because crazy roommate is dead.

The film was completely obvious, it was primarily boring and the acting was terrible. If that wasn’t bad enough, it presented a sensationalised image of mental illness and pertained to every negative stereotype available.

This scene made me laugh:

Roommate leaves the room; girl starts to rummage through roommate’s things and finds pills. Boyfriend enters room.

Boyfriend: “what are those?”

Girl: “that’s what I’m about to find out.”

*boyfriend and girl are researching the name of the pills in a darkened room with only the light of the computer screen.

Girl: “…it says here that these are commonly used for treatment of schizophrenia or…..Bi POLAR!”

*girl looks up at boyfriend with furrowed brow.

Hold the phones not Bi Polar! Quick lock up your daughters and pull down the shutters the loopies are in town! What a load of idiocy. Preposterous.

At one point roommate and girl went for coffee and met a group of girls who roommate knew from high school. It became apparent that roommate had showed similar obsessive behaviour with high school girl and had seemingly scared her. High school girl said to roommate: “we were never friends”. This hurt roommate and you could tell this hurt her because she made a sad face like this L

If roommate had shown a template of obsessive/unhealthy behaviour in the past then this should have been noticed and support been put in place for her. Social services let us down yet again. Pft.

This scene upset me:

Roommate has just murdered/injured most people. Roommate is now strangling girl. Girl manages to find a Stanley knife (the knife had blood on it because roommate used it for her murders etc). Just before girl stabs roommate girl utters the words:

“We were never friends”

What an absolute bitch. They most definitely were friends. They went to art galleries together, shared midnight pancakes, giggled and named a kitten together. Girl is a liar and I hate her.

The over all moral of the story was that people with a mental health problem:

• Are violent
• Are scary
• Don’t have friends

The happy ending involved girl removing roommate’s bed from her room and making dinner plans with boyfriend. No word was said about the fact that she was the murderer of a vulnerable person. I do like a happy ending.

When Mel Gibson directed The Passion of the Christ there was an uproar regarding the negative representation of Jews. Similarly, if there was a film about a gay person, a person of a particular creed, nationality or gender and said film presented such a negative stereotypical message based solely on ignorance, then I’m fairly confident that there would be much controversy. Why then is it acceptable to regard mental illness in this light? “It’s only entertainment” you might argue. No it is not only entertainment, film/tv/any media infact it is a format, a medium of filtering views through to us as the audience, its saying “hey it’s ok to say this”.

Never have I been so irritated by a movie. I have as a result, decided not to waste another moment of my life on a bad movie. I made a similar decision regarding trashy “it’ll do while I sunbathe” novels. Instead I will consider my choices more carefully. I am not trying to sound pretentious; just I don’t need such idiot views of narrow-minded-air-headedness in my life thanks.

To leave you on a more positive note, here are some brilliant movies with the theme of mental illness: Fight club, A beautiful mind, Black swan and Girl interrupted.

NB. I know some brilliant people who live with mental health problems. I wouldn’t want to change a thing about them. 

Atlas

Transport update: I felt a bit sick on the ferry this morning, it sort of crashed in to the port/harbour thing at north shields and nearly made me fall off my chair. On board I recognised two Mormon fellows. They were on the same metro journey as myself when I was arguing with the smoking Chav. They had good craic one was ginger one was not. They don’t call themselves Mormons, they’re known as:

 Christians of the church of latter day saints (bit wordy). I used to think that the Moonmins were called Mormons when I was a child. How mistaken I was.

This is information about Christians of the church of latter day saints:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Church_of_Jesus_Christ_of_Latter-day_Saints

This is information about Moomins:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moomin

There are very few similarities between the two.

Dog update: Alsatians make me nervous.

Today I’m thinking about mental health and feeling sad. There is a difference. Some of the carers I work with support loved ones with ill mental health, I have recently been on mental health first aid training and this week I’m helping to make a short film with the purpose of reducing stigma around mental health problems. Catherine Zeeta Jones has recently ‘came out’ as being Bi polar. So this is rather topical all round.

Stephen fry famously lives with Bi polar, he refers to his condition as an affliction, but one that he would not want to be rid of. He commented: “If you have a hundred people in a Stone Age village, you want some of them to stay in a cave boiling up the bones, some of them to go out and do the hunting. But somewhere you want one of them who is just a little off-kilter, whose ideas are just a bit weird, who has a creative imagination that is technically mad because he or she is suggesting doing things or trying things that no one has ever thought of before. 

“It’s actually necessary for our gene pool to have some people in it who are just not normal. It is an immense privilege to belong to a group of people who are not normal.” 

(http://www.disabilitynow.org.uk/living/features/a-little-bit-of-stephen-fry)

Some of the greatest people in the world have lived/are living with some form of mental health problem. Many artists/ singers/ comedians have Bi polar. There’s still however, so much negative connotations regarding this topic and I fear there will be for some time to come. However when a celebrity admits to being imperfect the rest of us sort of give a sigh of relief “ahh it’s everyone then”.

Every one has mental health and some times keeping it healthy can be a fine balance. Environmental/social and circumstantial factors can affect you such as diet, exercise, sleep, relationships etc. Below is a box of four areas of mental health, this was used as part of a training day I attended a few weeks ago.

Diagnosed mental health problem, good environmental/circumstantial factors	No diagnosed problem, good environmental/circumstantial factors
Diagnosed mental health problem, poor environmental/circumstantial factors	No diagnosed problem, poor environmental/circumstantial factors

This is not intended to categorise people, rather it is to show that at any point we can move to a different section or box. You can fall in to depression, something in your life can have such an affect on you that it alters your mentality, or more positively you can find ways of coping/ living with mental illness.

Sometimes one can feel like Atlas, carrying the weight of the world on one’s shoulders. I feel like I have been in a similar mental disposition of recent months, I’m ready now however to do as a Russian shot putter might do and hoy that massive ball of problems in to the sea (I doubt that a shot putter would do this and I apologise if I have offended anyone by labelling said shot putter as Russian…what a stereotype)

I guess what I’m saying is I’m ready to move box.

Pick your battles

Transport update: I'm not going anywhere today.

Dog Update: Poppi is asleep next to me on the sofa and has asked for me not to discuss her personal issues via my blog.

Today I'm thinking about arguments. Not arguments with your husband/partner but rather with random people. I have had quite an argumentative disposition of recent days, I'm not sure what's wrong with me (woman) Here are some arguments/confrontations I have experienced recently:

1. Confronted two teenage boys for attempting to slot a pringle tube in a bush.

"well that's littering isn't it! stick that in the bin!" (bin was right next to them and they did what I said with apologetic slumped shoulders) 

WIN

2. Confronted intoxicated Chav on the metro for smoking.

This was not a good idea as the Chav was a bit intimidating and he did not put said cigarette out, he did however threaten me with violence. 

FAIL

3. I have been harassed by a substantial number of charity beggars recently esp Christian Aid workers, I have engaged in conversation with said beggars and gradually lost my patience. Here are some responses I have utilised:

"stop following me"

"go away"

"I have no eyes" (lee Kyle's suggestion, charity person was very confused)

"I know nothing about wrestling" (said to a WWF person)

"I don't like you people"

"I have no bank"

"I don't believe in helping people"

I don't feel that this is a WIN as I'm still being harassed.

4. Once two old ladies said my laugh was too loud (really?) I was at the Tyneside Cinema watching 'all about Eve' with my sister and mamma. I laughed at a few parts of the movie which I personally found amusing. I really enjoyed the film and had a lovely day. The old ladies did not enjoy my laughter, this is more or less how the 'conversation' (or very loud argument) went:

Old wench "you are too loud"

me: "if you can't bare an audience, rent the DVD and stay at home"

(shocked but trying to remain respectful)

Old bat: "this film is not your type of film"

Me: "that's not really for you to say is it?"

(feeling a bit miffed and confused about why this conversation is happening)

Old witch:"you laughed at the wrong parts"

Me: "humour is subjective, I laughed at what I thought was funny"

(how dare she say that to me, these woman are horrible)

Old crone: "You're behaviour is inappropriate" 

Me: "I find this public display quite 'inappropriate' actually"

(breathing deeply through nose, calm Nicola calm.)

Old hag: "you shouldn't come here, we come on a sunday night you shouldn't"

Me: "I'm actually finished talking to you now, please go away and stop talking to me. I'm not interested in you, you're very annoying. Go."

(blood starting to boil, Nicola these women are elderly, there fore you can't shout at them, remain semi respectful)

Old wifey: "you have no idea how to conduct yourself in public"

(I'm very angry now)

Me: "OH YEAH? WELL YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO PUT MAKE UP ON!"

(blue eye shadow and red lipstick on hairy lip and teeth)

Old tart: "oh that's just rude!"

Me: "YOU ARE A STUPID PERSON! GO ON! KEEP ON WALKING! GET LOST! GO WATCH A DVD YOU IDIOTS!"

(full on riot mode- WHERE IS MY SWORD!?)

WIN.

Moral of the story: pick your arguments with children and old idiots, not violent chavs. 

How to be a grown up.

Dog update: Poppi has to have her anal gland released today (Poppi is my dog)

Transport update: Yesterday I was late for work because I missed the ferry. The captain and a couple of passengers laughed at me and the rope person shrugged his shoulders at me as they sailed away to North Shields.

I’ve been thinking about being grown up. I think I’m at a bit of a weird age at the moment. I’m 26. What SHOULD a 26 year old be doing/have done? My parents and Stuart’s parents think that we should be making babies by now and that: “we’ll never grow up until we have children”. Saying a person is not an adult because they’ve not had children is like saying a chair is not a chair if no one has sat on it. I don’t wish to be sat on just yet.

When you become an adult do you get a certificate? Or someone tells you that you are? A 26 year old is not a child so by default I’m adult. I googled ‘how to be a grown up?’ and found some tips:

1. Take responsibility for your own life.
2. Accept well-intentioned counsel from those who know and love you.
3. Your parents can't fix your problems or turn you into a kid again.

I decided to be ‘adult’ when I was reminded of the time at which I should start work (when I arrived in 30 minutes later) Really I wanted to cry and call my line manager names like idiot cow bag etc but instead I took responsibility.

In South Africa, women really aren't thought of as independent adults until after the death of their husbands and his brothers. Hmm interesting.  Not ideal.

I’ve decided to write a list of things an adult should/shouldn’t do.

Should.	Should not
Pay Bills on time	Have a leaky bath
Eat sensibly	Shout in the office
Be nice	Stay up all night playing on bejeweled blitz
Exercise	‘frape’ one's husband instead of going to bed
Be serious when appropriate	Eat only chocolate for breakfast
Have some sort of mortgage	Laugh at someone falling over in the street
Save money	Scream when a pigeon is near you
Wear matching underwear	Day dream about your hair in important meetings
Be on time	Make inappropriate ‘rape’ jokes to line manager
Have an organised filing system	Argue with old ladies at the Tyneside Cinema.

I think that this is quite a tidy box.

where are those pants?

Transport update: I’ve had to write the words: ‘bus pass’ on my hand to remind me to renew the thing. How common.

Random childhood memory: I remember watching an episode of the sitcom Roseanne and thinking ‘why aren’t my jeans like Darlene’s and David’s?’’ (They were all torn at the knees). So I decided to cut my perfectly good jeans. They DID NOT look anything like Darlene’s. I realised that this particular look was most likely achieved through wear and tear. So I started walking around on my knees to try and wear out a second pair of jeans. This only caused red knee caps.

In retrospect I’m pretty sure I could have picked a more inspiring fashion icon.

I am quite miffed because I’ve noticed that missing some items of clothing. I have lost a few things over the years and every time it happens it irritates me immensely. I feel like the pants (for example) are sitting there laughing at me in an elaborate game of hide and seek. Damn you pants and your playful ways!

Here are some things I’ve ‘misplaced’:

1. A pair of navy Adidas nylon jogging bottoms (lost in 1998)
2. A jade Green pashmina (left in a friend’s car back in 2006)
3. A black pashmina (lost in Glitter ball in 2008… I know)
4. A piece of linen I used as a bandana whilst sunbathing (this was free in a magazine but I’m upset its no longer in my life)
5. A white T-shirt with a picture of a cat on it (recent loss)
6. A coral pink Aeropostale hoody most likely left in the gym
7. My favourite pair of indigo skinny jeans which I love and have lost and am upset about L

Seven is not a usual ‘list’ number but it is the number of heavenly completeness so we’ll go with that.

My flat is a right tip at the moment due to our decorating pursuits, I couldn’t get to half my clothes so I popped on a crumpled up dress I found in the bottom of my wardrobe and some bright red tights which I got fresh off the line, and you know what? I have never had so many compliments for such minimal effort! In your face Darlene!

I have cancelled a couple of up coming gigs on account of other areas of my life needed a wee bit of attention so I haven’t gigged since Tuesday 5^th April. My next one is the semi finals at the laughing horse competition next week in London.

How very exciting. 

Vampires in the midst

Transport update: Yesterday there was a girl on the metro who’s hair resembled white fluff, she back combed it when her little fat, fake tanned streaked fingers, She then proceeded to pout at herself at her reflection. What a smasher.

Dog update: We washed her the other day and her fur looks massive now.

Random stranger interaction: I was stood at South Shields metro station waiting for my train. A middle aged, medium build, male, Caucasian wearing spectacles approached me:

“Can you buy tickets on the train?” he asked

“No, the ticket machines are just there” I pointed at the five ticket machines

“Well I don’t have any change.” He stated, looking at me accusingly

“…..” I made an ‘oh dear’ face

“Right well I suppose I’ll have to get some money out then” he mumbled

What did he expect me to do exactly?

Monday evening was gig number 26. I decided to try a new set; it was a list of things that slightly irritate me. Some of it sparked a bit of a discussion, which suited the type of room, if that had of happened with a bigger audience it wouldn’t have worked. There were a few nice lines amongst that set which I think I’ll keep, it’s a bit of a grower that one.

Tuesday evening (last night) was gig number 27. I stepped in as MC at the Long Live Comedy. I had the best time ever doing it, it was so much fun. A few people gave me some advice saying you just need to be liked rather than be funny and to just relax and enjoy the evening. The line up was really diverse consisting of: - Sharon Race, second performance from Al McWilliam, a power point show from Barry Fox, first timers Adam Wilkinson (Umby) and Kristian James, Sean Mcloughlin opening, Andy Clarke, Al Daws and the last minute (drunken) addition of John Scott. The night was alive, there was a really big buzz, I’m not sure whether I felt this on account of my own excitement MCing or whether others experienced it too.

I did that thing where you get all the men to shout something then all the women, it went like this:

“Boys are you ready for some comedy?!”

“HELL YEAH”

“Girls are you ready for some comedy?”

“eeeeeeee”

This made me laugh a lot.

I laughed a great deal through out the night actually. After Barry Fox did his set I got up on stage and couldn’t talk for laughing, which made everyone else start again. I bloody love Barry Fox he’s a genius. Look out for him.

At the end of the evening I photographed the audience so that they could tag themselves on facebook and get the club some publicity. Callum Cram and George Zach grabbed the spot lights and started shining them on the audience, the reactions were hilarious, it was like a scene from a bad vampire movie. I started snapping away then commented “this has all just gone a bit weird really hasn’t it?” which made people laugh so it looked like they were enjoying comedy rather than just being violated.

Long Live Comedy is a brilliant club; it’s in a skuzzy room with knackered old sofas and leaky loos. It usually gets too hot when it’s crowded and there’s never any toilet roll in the ladies. It is however a grand example of the gritty beginnings of comedy, new acts nervously stepping up for their first attempt at stand up and a familiar return for daddy’s of comedy. May it live long indeed.

Gonna make this a night to remember

Transport update: This morning the metro was far too hot, there was a heater under my seat and it was basically burning my legs. There was a girl on the metro with bleached blonde hair, it was so over treated that it resembled yellow fluff, she felt the need to use her orange fingers to back comb said fluff.

Dog update: My aunty called Poppi ‘fat’ yesterday.

Last night I attended the Katy Perry gig at Newcastle arena. I’ve always ‘quite liked’ Katy Perry however I am now in love with her. The gig had just the right amount of glitter. I felt amazing when I left the gig my mood was soaring high and I’m pretty sure it was because I had a good old sing song. I’ve felt pretty crappy lately and haven’t felt like myself. My good mood has sustained itself through to the present. As soon as I walked through the door I woke Stuart Lovett up and informed him we were going to the clock’s karaoke night on Saturday. (He didn’t share my level of enthusiasm)

“karaoke – combined with moderate drinking – has the backing of mainstream medicos. "Drinking responsibly with a good friend makes you feel happy and healthy,'' says Japanese Professor Takeshi Tanigawa of Ehime University Graduate School of Medicine. "Singers use deep breathing, which is good for the nervous system. After singing, they usually receive applause. It is a good kind of social support, and helps in the face of adverse occasions or stressful events.” 

So that’s that, I shall be belting out Valerie, a bit of Blink 182 and most likely the odd Katy tune on Saturday evening, if anyone cares to join me feel free. (I’m a terrible singer but I am loud if that helps)

I’ve decided to make a list of my top 6 memorable gigs (I know 6 is a random number but I got a bit bored)

6^th.

911 Spring 1997 Newcastle city hall: This was my first ever gig. I was only 13 and embarking on teenage-hood. I remember I wore a partially see through top which showed off my new push up bra. I had to hide this sight under a cardigan, my dad would have went off it!

5^th

Too many DJs August 2008 Digital Newcastle: I’m not normally a fan of dance music outside of spurring me on for exercise but this was a really fun night, I hopped around like a silly sausage until the early hours. We decided to walk home from Newcastle. The 8 mile trek seemed like a good idea at the time, it also seemed like a good (if not slightly illegal) idea to place a traffic cone in front of a speed camera on the felling bypass. I lost 3lbs after that gig.

4^rd

Beyonce May 2009 Newcastle arena: This was part of a pure music fest’ of a weekend: Fat boy slim, Beyonce, Evo festival and Nickelback. I was half deaf by the Monday night. I love a bit of Beyonce, I remember seeing her at the arena back in 2002 as part of destiny’s child. Sometimes I believe I am her on the dance floor.

3^rd

 Tenacious D December 2006 London Apollo: I surprised Stu with tickets to see Tenacious D. It was pretty last minute and we were too skint to stay over so we drove to London and back solely to see them. It was more of a comedy/sketch show than a concert. It was so cool to see Jack Black and Kyle Gass in action! Lee lee lee lee lee lee lee lee lee lee lee.

2^nd

Nickelback May 2009 Newcastle arena: I was somewhat indifferent about this one so I had no preconceived ideas. The pyros and the shooting of t shirts in to the audience via bazookas were rather impressive. Mr. Lovett rather enjoys Nickelback and frequently blasts their tunes through out our flat. I didn’t realise how much of their stuff I knew. It was a surprisingly, amazing gig.

1^st

Stereophonics June 2010 Cardiff City Stadium: This was a simply brilliant night. Lee Fawkes, Stuart Lovett and myself drove down to stay with my uni’ friend Kathy Fischer. The road trip alone was a memorable one. We stopped at a service station; me and Stu were waiting for Lee to return from the toilet, we were waiting quite some time. When he finally came out he had changed out of his beige shorts in to some Jeans. Basically he had pooed himself, I mean who does that? We refuse to ever let him forget this. Upon entering Wales, me and Lee made up our own version of the Welsh national anthem which basically consisted of six claps then shouting out the word ‘WALES’. Stuart did not think this was a good anthem. Earlier on that day there had been the Wales v South Africa Rugby game so there were lots of women wearing Welsh flag dresses, there were faces painted, flags draped over people’s shoulders. Seeing a band in their home town always has an air of sentimentality, that accompanied by the patriotism and our excitement to be together increased those feelings of nostalgia. The open aired venue, teamed with the warm summer night, light displays and fireworks made the gig feel magical. Upon leaving we were swept up in the sea of people, there was a great atmosphere and some one randomly started singing Eurasia’s ‘A little respect’, gradually the whole crowd started belting it out. What a memorable night indeed.

Music is what feelings sound like.  ~Author Unknown

The point.

Transport update: I slept in horrifically late this morning, I was due to start work at 9am and I got up at 9:11am. So I when Stu got home I hopped in the car, so no cruise today.

Random thought of the day: I remember once when I was at school during a French lesson we were learning some new adjectives. We did this by looking at photographs of celebrities and describing them to each other. Some of the adjectives were words like:

Big                  Grosse

Small              Petit

Ugly                 Moche

Pretty              Jolie

I was given a photograph of Dawn French, I described her saying:

“Elle est grosse et moche”  

Now my teacher corrected me and said that although Dawn French is fat she is not ugly because she has a nice face. I understand where she was coming from as not all fat people are ugly BUT beauty is a matter of opinion, so she was dictating to me what I could and could not say/think, essentially taking away my freedom of speech! I will not live in your totalitarian regime Miss Haswell! Fight the fine fight!

Stranger interaction: Last night I had the ‘vague’ gig in Sunderland. I asked for directions to Bar1. The man I asked was obliging, he described the venue as “nice but no one goes there” Brilliant. He then felt the need to tell me a joke he had made up:

“I was holding my dog the other day and my aunty gave him a chew, I said ‘what’s a dog’s favourite day of the week? TUESDAY! GET IT? Chews-day!” He exclaimed.

“Did you say that joke on a Tuesday?” I enquired

“Nor it was a Wednesday, but I thought of it on Tuesday and was telling it on Wednesday” He explained

“You sound like Craig David” I stated

“Do I flippin’ look like Craig David like?” He questioned.

He had an accent.

Last night was gig number 25. It was at bar1 and it had everything wrong with it. Poor lighting, no advertisement, lack of mc, no arranged seats, not enough acts, the acts that were there were doing too long of a set each, wrong shaped room, bar open for general business, poor structure, accompanied by slightly depressing indie acoustic guitar sets.

There was an audience of about 10 people 15 if you include our cluster of comedians. There were three girls on the left of the room and 7 boys on the right; it was a bit of school disco set up. Essentially I should have hated the gig and resented being there, Lee Kyle was a right spoilt brat and (after ten minutes of his twenty minute set) he did a diva strut off stage and told them all to shove it. I on the other hand did a bit of extra material and deliberately out stayed my welcome; I relished the awkwardness of the situation in a perverse almost masochistic manner. There were a couple of times when I pointed out that I had just told them a joke then left a silence. I don’t feel that I have to justify myself here (but I will) I do have faith in the material I used and I know that under the right circumstances it gets a great response. I laughed on stage a number of times mainly at the absurdity of the event.

After I finished my set the 7 boys left. I’m sure they’ll be back again (sarcasm) I had clearly made them uncomfortable, perhaps this was down to me implying they were a bit gay for each other, I did however resist commenting on how blummin massive the mole was on one of their faces! Sheesh kebab I swear it had legs.

After the gig, Jo Law and Nat Wicks compared their weird feet. Nat has really long toes and Joe has little to no toes or ‘trotters’ as Lee Kyle described them. We wandered the streets of Sunderland in pursuit of pizza, en route Jo stole the ‘HIV’ note out of my pocket (used for a joke not like a certificate or something). Nat found a needle out side of the point (no pun intended…also ‘The Point’ is a bar in Sunderland, incidentally the only point TO Sunderland-nasty)

So Both Nat and Jo had aids in their hands.

It was a really silly night and I’m glad I went I was feeling a bit cack through the day, so the frivolity cheered me up.

NB. The needle which Nat Wicks found was actually an insulin needle not an aids needle.