Jive Turkey

Transport update: Someone almost sat in my spot on the ferry this morning. I would have been livid I tell you.

Dog update: Poppi Susan said she missed me (a lot) when I was in London and so we spent most of last night spooning.

Last Friday I spent the day consuming strawberry beer. On the evening I stepped in with Lee Kyle and Simon Buglass and performed at a charity gig at Cluny2. This was gig number 28. It was to raise money for teenagers with cancer. I was rather squiffy by this point and hadn’t planned to perform. I scribbled some nonsense on my hand and nonsense is what came out of my mouth. I asked Lee if I was horrendous and he told me not to worry because I probably won’t remember it. I think that might be a yes then. Not an evening that will feature in my autobiography.

NB. I’m not writing an autobiography.

On Monday night I performed at the laughing horse semi finals. I came third out of 13 people. I wasn’t expecting to get through even as a runner up so rather chuffed with that result, even if I don’t go any further.

The guy that won my heat (sounds weird) was welsh, I love the Welsh accent so I’ve been talking in a welsh accent for the majority of the afternoon. Oh yes I’m a pleasure to be around.

The gig was in Brixton. Brixton has got a bad rep' for being dangerous and weird. I've been to Brixton twice and both times I ate in nandos FACT. When we were walking down the road a man threw loads of ice mixed with stinky fish guts in front of our feet. My friend Lee Fawkes has been to Brixton this is what he said about it: 


"I've only ever been to Brixton once and that was when we got lost going though London on our way to Portsmouth, we saw a Washing machine on fire in the street on top of a Transit Van and we stopped to ask a guy directions and he gave us a load of nonsense and then was sick in a perfect column.  There were no white people."


This made me laugh for a few days.

When we were in London we ventured down to Brighton. Brighton is where every single Londoner goes and it’s full of gypsies and is expensive. I enjoyed playing the ‘spot the gypsy’ game. My cousin told me to stop shouting gypsy in the street.

Gig number 30 will be next week at the literature festival in Newcastle. Should I get a prize maybe for reaching 30?

Next week I’m going to go to a jive class with Mr Lovett.

 We went to one last week and it was horrendous. It was basically a ‘help the aged’ social evening with a massive shot of campness. An old crone shouted ‘YOU STAND OVER THERE’ at me, and then she stole my husband, the jive turkey.  When me and Stu finally got to dance together, we nutted each other in a very ungraceful way. That’s when we bailed and went to see the film roommate (the most horrendous film ever spewed forth) I have been told that this jive class in Newcastle is more ‘rockabilly vintage’ and less ‘this wasn’t vintage when I bought it’

Hopefully there’ll be fewer injuries.