Stranger danger

Transport update: Today I left some Satsuma rind in a neat little pile on the 306 bus. I feel very guilty about this and I would like to apologise to anyone who wanted to sit there but was put off, I’m sure it wasn’t very a-peeling! Get it? GET IT?

Dog update: Poppi has been bathed and her fur looks massive now making her look a bit fat. I hair dried her as she lay across my lap half falling asleep…what a life.

 I have worn flat shoes for four days off the trot both day and night. Today my legs feel like curly fries. My hamstrings are as tight as tight can be.

Yesterday I had a real ‘adult’ moment. I went to a garden centre with my husband and spent £30 on plants and necessary things for al fresco living. There was a time when I’d have considered this a complete waste of time and a drain on my top shop budget.

Saturday evening was gig number 24. I travelled to Scarborough with Mr Lovett and Lee Kyle. What a journey to make, and what for? To make strangers laugh for ten minutes. What an absurd exercise! My hair wasn’t quite dry upon leaving the house and so I donned the old rollers en route to the gig. We were also running a bit late to have any tea so I munched a McDonalds in the car. It was at this point that Lee Kyle informed me I am ‘very working class’ I’m not sure what that means the ‘very’ bit, I’m offended regardless (lie I’m a bit proud of my common demeanour) Lee Kyle also thought it’d be a funny idea for me to wear the rollers throughout my set. I nearly did this because I’m an idiot. I am pleased that I opted out of this however on account of the Royal Hotel Scarborough being a bit of a posh establishment (not for the working class).

I tried some new material out. In retrospect I should leave new material to new material nights not to “two hour drive to Scarborough” nights. The thing is though, I really enjoy writing new stuff, I like the creativity behind it. I love the adrenalin rush of being on stage but I just want to keep it fresh. Some of my material worked some not so much, I laughed a bit on stage at my ‘not so much’ material-that’s quite bad really isn’t it to be the only one to laugh at your own joke *cringe*. I sandwiched the new stuff amongst old gold though so I left on a big laugh. Good show.

We bailed in the second interval in pursuit of fish and chips. You’d think that such a town as Scarborough, a once popular seaside holiday retreat as this would have plenty fish and chip shops wouldn’t you? Well alas no, we resorted to eating at a kebabery called ‘Samantha’. (We realised upon closer inspection it was actually named Samanta but that’s not as funny) I struck up a conversation with an inebriated local; she had dirty hands and a black eye. She implied I was simple for photographing the microwave, I guess I can’t argue with that really can I?

Last week a man in Asda started talking to me at great lengths regarding the style of his neighbour’s windows and how he didn’t approve of them. A guy I met on the train from Waterloo to Woking repeatedly and excitedly told me about his time in prison and how he’s been out for 4 years and 8months. He said once he got so mad he smashed his telly. I responded with “well there’s never anything good on these days”

Maybe I should stop chatting to strangers?